Mothers & Daughters

Today's post is a little recognition of my mum. My mothering journey has not been particularly easy, not in small part because I chose to have and raise my children on the other side of the country than both of our families with a partner who has to work long hours, sometimes months, away from his children, but I also realize that my mother's journey was not easy either. I don't think that mothering comes particularly naturally for either of us, and I also certainly recognize myself in some of her (not so positive) stories of her own mother, my Nana. I then look at my own daughter, and how challenging it can be to parent her in a positive way. I wonder about how my parenting will in turn affect her children, should she have any.

(This sweet little face doesn't always look so angelic, heh.)

For me, when they talk about how being a mother is the hardest job in the world, they're not talking about the sleepless nights, or the endless picking up toys/clothes/food off the floor, or the breaking up of fights/disputes/bloodbaths. They're talking about needing to recognize that the bad behaviour I see is a communication of a unmet need - and I can't just react, I also have to figure out what the need is and if/how I can meet it. They are talking about needing to have a deep reservoir of patience, suppressing the desire to tell my own offspring to hit the road when I've had enough of the whining, and truly putting someone else's needs ahead of my own. That is the hardest -- when I want to be whiney, sick, complainey, selfish, or childish, but I can't because I'm a mom. It's like having to be a real, no-time-outs, grown up.

Being a better mother is one of my most important, and constantly ongoing, goals. I don't really know any ideal moms, most of the real life moms I know are all human, go figure, but it helps to have an ideal to reach for (and I'm not talking about what Time Magazine is talking about, which really just serves to undermine all mothers and their choices). I don't feel that I need to be an ideal mom, I just need to be on the path. I know that my daughter, and my boys, are a blessing, but sometimes, usually around 6:45pm, when my tongue hurts from being bitten for so long, I forget that.

I recently saw a reminder, and I plan to embroider it and put it somewhere prominent:

"Love me when I least deserve it, 

because that is when I need it most."

True for all of us, right? Right.

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there, including my mum, and maybe one day, my daughter.

Thanks for visiting,
xo

(Next post = sewing. Promise!)